The Church of my Past

Ephesians 4:15-16

but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.

The Church of my Past

You rocked me and kept me happy while Mom was in the service

Never making it there yourself, an untiring woman of duty

Your preached with such depth and wisdom

I was hooked every Sunday evening

Most kids came for the tootsie pops, I was enthralled with truth

Another teacher so gifted the adults preferred youth service to "big church"

You took a great fall that taught us pain and forgiveness

Maybe bad guys can hide well if they're crafty

But I think Satan just attacks fruitful ministers more ferosciously

You took me in as a daughter like your own

Filling a gap in my life so well

Coaching, affection, conversations that go beyond the shallow

Provided me great security and confidence for the future

You lent me a book that answered so many questions

Motivated me to search and learn, to seek God well

You saw in me things that weren't there

I guess they call that potential

I think it was "calling into existence things that don't exist" (Rom 4:17)

Leaders cheer others on

You were a true friend and never took advantage

You taught me of trust and what true friendship looks like

You set the bar high for any future guy

After all, I could never have settled after knowing you

You were real and authentic and never shied from the truth

Even if you thought it would make you look weak

We're all weak

Better to admit it and cling to God is what you taught me

I look at my present and see similar people- my parents, my husband and friends

But the church of my past is why I am where I am today. 

"How Beautiful is the Body of Christ!"

Where I muse about what we really need

I was going to write another "Things I'm Loving" post, because I truly have been loving a great many things. I was going to tell you about Ellie Holcombe's new album and how you have get it NOW, about this podcast (excellent) and this one (so good), and how much I've learned from them. But I began thinking about why I love these things, and it's just because that's where I'm meeting Jesus. I sit on my porch and pop in my ear buds, and I meet Jesus in the lyrics and the music. "You unravel me with a melody. You surround me with a song." (Shane & Shane) I listen for His voice and sometimes an answer comes later through a sermon or a podcast or through a conversation with a friend. But it's Him that we need. The specifics will be different for each of us. Shane Bernard often asks, "what stirs your affection for Christ?" Answer that, and do those things. I hope you check out my links, but what you really need is what I need, to just sit and meet with Jesus "who fills everything in every way." (Eph 1:23)

Agreements with the Enemy

 
Whether we realize it or not, we all have a daily dialogue that exists in our heads, and much of it is influenced by our enemy. We misinterpret what people say to us. "Can you please stop making so much noise?!" Turns into, "You're annoying, and I don't really want you around," in an 8-year-old's head. "Why did you forget to pick up my dry cleaning?" can become, "You never do anything right," to our fallen minds and emotions. A friend recently told me, "Satan is all too happy to filter our interpretations." These are examples of lies we believe. John Eldredge calls them agreements with Satan.

Today, my 7-year-old begged to play video games with Dad before rest time (we usually do it after). After I told him I'd have to ask Dad first, he, sensing my hesitancy, proceeded to throw a 7yo tantrum, whining annoyingly and jumping up and down. At that point, I had to stick to my guns and sent him off to his room for rest time. He broke down in tears in his room, and like his heart was broken, said, "you just don't want me to have time with family!" (He had just gotten back from a fun outing with his dad.) I didn't punish him or get angry at his attempt at manipulation because it hit me as the all too familiar battle I too face every day. I took his little face in my hands and said firmly and lovingly, "STOP telling yourself lies! You are believing a lie. If what you just said were true, of course you would be upset & crying the way you are, and rightfully so. But what you just said is not true." I didn't have to give evidence that he has plenty of family time because he knew that and immediately stopped crying; his face softened. "But I feel like it's true." "I know," I said. "I deal with the same thing every day, and so does Daddy. We have to tell ourselves to not listen to the lies but what is true." I should have gone one step further and told him whom the lies come from and that his greatest battle in life will be fighting the Enemy and his lies every day of his life, in his own mind & in those he loves. "You're God's warrior, son, and this is your battle," I should have told him. 

What lies are you believing? What agreements have you made with the devil? "Why try? It's no use." "I'll never be good enough for her." "I'll never be loved the way I want." "He just doesn't care about me when he does xyz." "I'll never need anyone again." 

"The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy..." John 10
"The Son of Man came to seek and to save that which was lost." Luke 19

What have you lost that Jesus is trying to give back to you?

In Which I Muse about Rich Mullins (or share his musings)

Today is the 19th anniversary of his death. Musing may have been his hobby, next to song writing, of course. His songs taught me so much! Here are some quotes that are not from songs....


'The amazing thing about the whole joy of Christianity is it's something you can't find, it's something that has to find you. Once we submit ourselves to God, the things of God chase us down like dogs, and you can't escape them. I think we can stifle the Spirit. We can thwart the work of God in our own lives. We can choose to nourish that which should be crucified and ignore that which should be nourished, but God ain't done with any of us.' 

'Faith is walking with God. This biggest problem with life is that it's just daily.... It's not what you did, and not what you say you're going to do, it's what you do today.'

'God has called us to be lovers, and we frequently think that He meant us to be saviors. So we "love" as long as we see "results". We give of ourselves as long as our investments pay off, but if the ones we love do not respond, we tend to despair and blame ourselves and even resent those we pretend to love. Because we love someone, we want them to be free of addictions, of sin, of self--and that is as it should be. But it might be that out love for them and our desire for their well-being will not make them well. And, if that is the case, their lack of response no more negates the reality of love than their quickness to respond would confirm it.' 

'What problem do you have that death wouldn't fix?'

and a song...
(lyrics)

Quotes worth sharing

'Do I believe that by giving up these games I am playing, I will not miss a step? For He "withholds no good thing."' John Piper

Fear of missing out is powerful. Faith tells us that missing out on what God has for us is the worst thing & that missing out on anything else won't matter.

The 4th Commandment is the Most Important

HERE

January Goals Review

January Goals Review

• 52 week challenge- This month included devotions, daily routine, to do list, and memory keeping. I added Thru the Bible radio to me devotions each morning, as well as an app called "PrayerProLife" for prayer.  I am working on implementing my evening routine a little better. I have found that if I wait until 9:00 pm to do all those "before bed" things, it is too late! As a result, I have been in bed earlier and getting up earlier! I downloaded another app that is AMAZING called Home Routines. I have been looking for something like this for a long time. It is fully customizable with a regular to do list, as well as recurring lists for monthly, weekly, etc, or whatever you want! I highly recommend it. 
• Office Month- I did basically nothing. :D But since Feb is Car Month & Super Dad got me a gift certificate for a car detail, I will just do it this month instead.
• Read one book- I am ALMOST done with this book: After You Believe by N.T. Wright. I think it's excellent. It might not appeal to everyone, just because not everyone has the same questions I do, but it answered a lot for me. If I could sum Wright up, I'd say he expresses everything I've ever believed in a fresh and better to understand way. He makes a lot of connections for me I hadn't thought of before. If you've ever wondered things like, "Once I'm saved, what does morality matter?" or "Does grace really nullify all hard work in the Christian life toward sanctification?" then you will enjoy it!
• Contact one family member. I wrote my grandmother a letter. :) 
• My goal ALL year to speak positive things- to my spouse, to my kids, about myself, about my circumstances. Not so sure I did as well with this one. His mercies are new every morning! 

Thoughts on Osteen

Go here.

Discretionary Giving

I just wanted to share something that has been such a blessing to our family. While setting up our giving budget, we chose 3 organizations we felt led to give to continuously, one of those being our local church. And then we set aside one quarter of our giving budget for "discretionary giving." You've heard of discretionary spending, which means a section of your budget that's free to be spent on whatever you like. Well that's what we did with giving. It's so much fun! Each month, we have a set amount that we can give to whatever cause or need comes up. November is usually spent on Operation Christmas Child and December on adopting a needy family for Christmas. We can sponsor a child for camp during the summer or give to victims of natural disasters as they happen. Some more ideas and things we have done:

• Given to a needy woman and her kids in the parking lot, wanting to buy dinner for them.
• Given to a friend who was a contractor and had his trailer with all his tools stolen, along with his livelihood.
• Given to adoption funds.
• Made blessing bags to hand out to homeless people.
• Did couponing to donate the items to a food bank.
• Given to various other charities, including human trafficking prevention and pregnancy centers.
• Given to family members' and friends' mission trips.
• Called the electric company to pay one family's bill that was about to be shut off. (my dad gave me this idea, but we still have not done it!)

Some of you may be saying, "Well, I do this anyway. I don't need to set it aside in my budget, I just give as I see need." That's great. Maybe our personalities are just different. I purpose to set this money aside for God and to help others, and then I don't have to wonder if I'm giving too much or too little. We can increase the amount as our income increases.It gives me freedom, because it's organized, purposed, planned. :) (see my personality?) I just wanted to share in case it helped someone.

Christians, Stop Deominzing Nuetral Words, Pt 1- Psychology

I've noticed a trend among church-goers. We seem to misunderstand or forget the original meanings of words when liberals or secularists hijack them and change the meaning.

Psychology is one of those. I cringe when I hear people say, "I don't believe in psychology. I believe in turning to God." Really? You don't believe in: 

psy·chol·o·gy

noun \-jē\

: the science or study of the mind and behavior

: the way a person or group thinks

? God created psychology. Just like everything in life, it's His; it doesn't belong to anyone who may have hijacked that term. God created our minds and sets up the various things that may influence our behavior. Furthermore, I believe He wants us to study these things and figure out why they work the way they do. If by saying that, you mean you don't agree with modern pop psychology that wants to blame the past (the mother, haha) for everything and treat everything with behavior modification and/or drugs, then I would have to agree with you, but let's use the right terminology. 

This doesn't mean that everything written in a modern psychology textbook is wrong or that seeing a psychologist is never going to be helpful, even if they use some modern techniques. The human brain and behavior are SO complex. I'm a firm believer that our physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual lives are interlinked. 

I, for example, struggle with anxiety. My father and his mother both had it, so perhaps it's inherited. Then again, it got worse after 2 different traumatic accidents I had in which I was injured, so maybe it's caused by circumstances in life. It got WAY worse on occasions when I was pregnant or post-partum, so then maybe it's just all hormones & body chemistry? Prayer, worship, and staying close to Christ helps to calm me down, and I firmly believe demonic attack is associated with many mental disorders, so that's something to think about as well. The lie is that every mental disorder or symptom is caused by only ONE of these things. The truth is that each is very multi-faceted. 

There is a popular Christian counseling method called "Biblical Counseling." I was coached on this method by a friend who is trained in it, and I think it's a great tool. The basic premise is that we sin, and in our guilt we run from God instead of turning TO him for forgiveness. This unresolved guilt causes a range of psychological symptoms. The idea is that when we return to fellowship with God through confession, our issues will be resolved. I like its simplicity, and think it gives some great tools. But what they are studying and treating is psychology. The weakness would be if the counselor ignores the health, circumstantial, and even demonic contributions to the symptoms.

If you think you're dealing with demonic attack, this is a great resource.

If you're interested in learning more about conflict, why it happens, and how to handle it, this is an excellent book.

Here is another great one on communication styles and why we misunderstand each other. 

These are both well worth the read.

Don't be afraid to study psychology; just be careful your source follows God's ideas for us, not just man's.

 

A Complementarian Review of the Pearls

Finally, a complementarian review of Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl!

Why Calvinism matters...

HERE

Love IS Partly a Feeling!

Do you agree with this statement: Love is not a feeling ?

Trim Healthy Mama review + other books...

One of my New Year's resolutions was to read one book per month in 2013. Here is what I've read so far + reviews... :)

1.

C  I guess I just have a different sense of humor, but I stopped reading this about half way through. Just not that good.









2,
C   Again, maybe I wasn't in a the right mindset, but I didn't really get a lot out of this one either. If you are really new to mothering or children, then you might get a lot out of it; it just seemed really basic, maybe, and not super well-written. I also did not finish this one, so I counted both of these for one month. :)






3.  

A   This book will reeeeally benefit you if you have sugar issues, meaning, if you are constantly craving sweet foods or refined carbohydrates. It also talks about how sugar sensitivity is linked to alcoholism and other addictions. (After all, alcohol turns STRAIGHT into sugar in the bloodstream, and many alcoholics cannot succeed until the also give up sugar.) Cutting WAY back on sugar is something we ALL need to do, no exceptions, and I have recently done that. (Search for "Sugar: The Bitter Truth" on Youtube for an excellent video on the subject.) But if you are very sugar sensitive (which I found out I am not really, even though we all are affected by it), then you have to get rid of ALL of it, plus all sweet things, even Stevia. This book takes you step by step through the process without beating you over the head about it.

4.

A+   This book is amazing, wonderful, glorious, and all the other good adjectives in the dictionary, lol! It's the perfect eating plan/weight loss/ healthy eating for life book. It's written by 2 Christian moms with large families who did a ton of research on nutrition (one my FAV topics as well). One even used to be a Vegan. It follows pretty closely the philosophy of Weston A Price/Nourishing Traditions if you're familiar with that. I was always a fan of that farm fresh, whole food philosophy myself. It's not strict in that you can use some convenience and processed foods (or not if you so choose); you don't have to make everything from scratch and spend hours in the kitchen. You never go hungry or count calories. The books has lots of recipes, but once you learn the concept, you can adapt almost any meal to make it fit and research and find tons of recipes. The basic premise is separating your fats from your carbs and then getting rid of processed sugars and starches (simple carbs). There are very few "off limits" foods. It also has chapters on other health topics as well which I found enlightening: hormones, sex, exercise, etc. Love it. I use it all the time for reference, and even though I cheat way too much, I have lost 7 lbs! woohoo.

5. 

 A+    This is an excellent book! I highly recommend it!










6.  
B   I have not seen the movie yet, but this is an incredible story. The book does have some slow parts, and I personally thought the husband was pretty, ummmm, slow to learn in dealing with his wife. It seems like common sense to me that if your wife doesn't remember who you are, you have to woo her all over again and try to get her to fall in love with you, not push her away by making sure her physical therapist is pushing her EVEN harder than he normally would have and trying to be her coach and father. Yet someone had to tell him all this. Maybe it's just because I'm a woman that I think this way. Still a great story.  
 

7.

B            This book is full of tips for running a household, and it's not just for large families. I do think you need to go into it realizing that her EXACT methods may not work for you, and you may need to tweak a lot. I wish her tone was less "the is THE way to do it" and more like, "These are some ideas that have worked well for me." That's my only complaint about the book. It has a legalistic tone even if that isn't the author's intent. I really enjoy her blog, so I don't know that it was intentional. Just read it with the mentality to take what works for you and leave the rest. I do think it's a valuable resource!



8.
A+  This book is excellent! It's not a practical tips book (although there are some of those) but gets to the heart of issues moms deal and struggle with. While it probes deeply, it comes off with grace rather than condemnation. It's challenging and encouraging at the same time. Each chapter is so short you could read it as a morning devotional. I need to go through it again. It was so good I wanted to finish it quickly, but I need to read it more slowly to be able to digest the points she makes.


9.

A+  This is a Bible study I did with some friends. It goes through various issues like fear, discontent, anger, etc and teaches us how to deal with them by seeking Christ and His power to overcome them. It's full of grace and void of striving/try-harder theology that really cannot lead to lasting change. I like that she keeps the correct focus and gets to the real heart of these issues rather than sticking a behavior management strategy on them.



10.

B+   I was excited to do this study, as I love Jen Hatmaker's blog and listened to a seminar she did that literally changed my life. Her story of how she and her husband left "churchyness" and the Christian, comfortable sub-culture and moved to South Austin to start a church which focuses on meeting people where they are and helping the "least of these" is amazing. I think that the book that goes along with this study tells that story. We only did the study. It was good and challenging in a way unlike most studies I have done. It will stretch you! The reason I gave it a B instead of an A was because it didn't seem to come from the grace standpoint I wrote about in the previous review, but from a, "we're doing it wrong, we simply need to do better," standpoint. It also was not nearly as well written as some of her stuff I've read, included almost everything in her blog. The other reason was because she is misinformed about some political things and wrongly equates liberal politics with Biblical practices. She doesn't harp on it or speak very much about it, but some things written in passing I was shaking my head at. Overall, worthwhile, though.

To Hell and Back, part 5- Resources

GO HERE

Open Letter to Married Men

(Disclaimer: This is not written to ANYONE I know in particular. I am simply sharing my thoughts in general and hoping this might shed some light for someone. Also, know that women have PLENTY of things they need to work on, to get a man's perspective on. I hope your wives are doing that. But you need a woman's perspective sometimes too.)

Repeat after me:

My wife loves me. She does NOT think I'm a failure, and especially not because I put a collared shirt on my preschooler to go outside and play in the mud in, when I KNOW (because she has told me one other time) those are only for school & church. She does keep track of all the good things I do. She would be miserable without all the ways I come through for her. When I forget her take-out order for the fifteenth time or watch football all day while she's away with the kids instead of cleaning up the kitchen like she asked, she does not really take joy in making me feel like a complete failure with her words when she gets home. She is hurt. She feels like I don't love her, or at least wasn't loving her or thinking of her in that moment. And when I react at her hurt with anger, that hurts her exponentially more than the original offense did. I do this because I think she just likes to get on to me about any little thing I do wrong, but she doesn't. She is hurting and feeling unloved. Me withdrawing or blowing up will do NOTHING to help our relationship. Trying to understand the hurt behind the complaints will move mountains for us.

Repeat after me: "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking of you. How can I make it right?" Those 3 sentences will change your life!

There are things she does to me that make me feel unloved and disrespected also. I need to stop being passive aggressive about them and let her know what's going on. I will let her know what I need more of, what I need less of. I will try to remember that women understand this kind of communication and it likely won't undo her like it tends to undo me. I can help hold her accountable, gently and patiently. I can share what hurts me. It's my right to do that.

I am not responsible for my wife's feelings. Those are hers. When I hurt her, I fix it with the 3 sentences above, but every time she's hurting, it is NOT on me. Every time she's down, depressed, anxious, irritable, it is NOT my fault. I am NOT failing my family (same goes for my kids), and I CAN lead her out of it by being cheerful and PURSUING her, NOT lecturing or reacting with my own poor attitude. My joy comes from the LORD, not my wife. 

Even though my wife wants me to lead her, that doesn't mean it's always easy to follow me. I am not perfect. I need to be open to her suggestions and advice, especially where it comes to our young children. Repeat after me: "You (probably) know more about young children than I do. Do what you think is best." (or whatever area your wife is better with. It may not be this area!) When she sees me about to take our family over a proverbial cliff, she cannot just be quiet about it. And after she has spoken her mind and I still decide to drive over (or not! Maybe it will turn out fine! You can never tell with guys like me. ;) ), I need to understand that that is one of the hardest things I will ever ask her to do. If she still supports and follows me, I need to give her all the credit in the world.

But just because she questions my decisions sometimes does NOT mean that she doesn't trust me at all or doesn't want me to lead. She is just scared. I am not God. Say it again: "I am not God!" If my security is in Christ and not her approval, I will be able to step out in faith, even after failure, and risk again, adjust my course, and try again. Don't be discouraged, self! Don't be discouraged. She needs me to be strong for her, to protect her, to love her. And when I do all of this for our children as well, that also fills her up. Her children are her heart. Hurting them is hurting her. Playing with and caring for and investing in them is doing the SAME thing for her. I kill 2 birds with one stone- bonus!

I can do this. God is my strength. He has given me everything I need.

Open Letter to Young Single Women

I'm speaking to you from the other side. I know it's hard where you are. As hard as raising children and being a wife is, I understand that you are not there yet, and where you are is hard too. The worst part for my planning personality was just not knowing. I wanted to know what the future held, what to expect. You are anxious to get your life going, to get on to "real life". But know this, you are living your life NOW. You are growing and influencing the Kingdom now. Looking back, I envy your free time and your opportunity for ministry. Take advantage of the unique time in your life that you may not have again. 

But because I am on the other side now, I can warn you of dangers to come. One of the biggest threats to your safety, your emotional & spiritual health, and your future children is men. The reason it's the biggest threat is because you can learn from and get past other mistakes fairly quickly. If you smoke pot, drink too much, get arrested, make a wrong friend, believe a wrong doctrine, or alienate your family, you can usually come back from all of those pretty quickly. Those things matter, but whom you marry matters more. Sure, there is divorce for Biblical reasons like abuse, abandonment, or unfaithfulness, but those divorces are not without consequences. But most bad marriages don't have those "outs". You are "stuck" for life. (I am NOT writing this to married women, so don't write me about that, lol.) 

I want to tell you a bit about my dating experience. In high school, I made a decision not to date until after I graduated. This was a personal conviction that I had. I had recently had a huge hole filled in my life by a father figure that came into my life who gave me lots of needed security and love. If you are estranged from your father or are not close, or he, for whatever reason, can't be your security during those teenage years, I would challenge you to pray for someone to fill that role. That's what I did, and God certainly answered. I think this is a huge protection for young women. 

When I got to college, I wasn't looking for a date or a boyfriend. I was looking for a husband. Now, of course, you have to get through those first steps, obviously. But anyone who obviously was not husband material was off the list. My mom had scared me enough of marriage. I wanted romance, but not at the cost of my future marriage. I was able to look ahead and see my children, see him with my children. I was able to see him working hard to support our family. Most of all, I was able to look ahead and see if his relationship with God was strong and lasting. In college, I knew guys that I thought would fit the bill, and I had a few really good friends who fit what I was looking for, but nothing moved forward, and I couldn't understand why. I was introverted, but there was something else going on. (I now know that it was mostly just God protecting me through His grace.) But one outspoken guy friend finally told me one day. He said, "Guys don't ask you out because they know that asking you out is liking asking you to marry them." He was exaggerating of course. I was not one of those girls who talked about marriage non-stop or pressured guys to commit or anything. (I also wasn't in a hurry because my dad had basically forbidden me to get married before I graduated from college.) That friend just meant that I was serious. I later asked a boyfriend if this was true, and he said, "absolutely". 

Matt Chandler says, "Don't try to find a neat Christian guy. Find a godly man. There are far too many neat Christian guys around church, and far too few godly men." Any pain a break-up with a non-Christian or a neat Christian guy or even just someone who is not for you may cause, I'm here to tell you that that pain does not even BEGIN to compare with the pain of a failed marriage. Even if the marriage doesn't end, it can still be failed. Imagine taking your children to church every Sunday and teaching them about God only to see them going the other way, following a father who was just full of words when you were dating but now wants nothing to do with God. Imagine your home wrecked with addiction- alcohol, gambling, pornography. These and worse have happened to very close, very godly friends of mine. It could just as easily have happened to me. No one can tell the future, and sometimes godly men do get derailed. I am just trying to encourage you to make every effort to protect yourself and your future children from a half-way man. 

Protect yourself. Pray for God to protect you. Be picky. If we as women let them know we're serious, men will rise to the challenge. God made them that way. Above all, trust God. He wants what is best for you.

2 Kids or 20? & judging others...

HERE

amazing weekend...

I didn't get any pictures. :( But this weekend was so fun. First of all, my amazing in-laws watched the boys for us, so we could go to Dallas. I got to

sit by the pool and read a book....
take a long shower....
go shopping all day with John....
eat city food, including Mediterranean food which we've been craving since we moved....
go the biggest Half Price Books I've ever seen, complete with a store-wide sale.... (I was there awhile...)
sit by the lake and read....
and spend lots of time with my man....

 And THEN, on Sunday morning, I wanted to go to church, which I admit, we don't usually do when out of town. But my favorite preacher ever is in Dallas, so we go when we can. His church has several satellite churches now, and the MAIN campus, where he preaches, would have been a bit of a drive, so we decided to be good, not just go to church to see him, and go to the satellite church which was closer. We had just sat down in the pew when I looked up and saw him! Kind of a freak thing that he happened to be preaching in person that day. It's been years since I heard him in person, so a real treat. (I don't wanna hear any lectures about worshiping man instead of God, lol! God speaks through him to me in a way no one else usually does; if you've heard him, you know what I'm saying.) I got SO much out of it, but here are a couple quotes:

"It's harder to go after our children's hearts as opposed to simply worrying about behavior modification and fixing their problems for them in the short term." [but worth it]

"I don't think you can over preach grace. You can never go overboard on forgiveness, on grace. But objective evidence of salvation is holiness."

 "When you see a marriage that you really admire and you think, 'I want that', you can bet they got there with a lot of death [to selfishness]."
-Matt Chandler

Grace will undo you either way

Click on the picture above....