The Church of my Past

Ephesians 4:15-16

but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.

The Church of my Past

You rocked me and kept me happy while Mom was in the service

Never making it there yourself, an untiring woman of duty

Your preached with such depth and wisdom

I was hooked every Sunday evening

Most kids came for the tootsie pops, I was enthralled with truth

Another teacher so gifted the adults preferred youth service to "big church"

You took a great fall that taught us pain and forgiveness

Maybe bad guys can hide well if they're crafty

But I think Satan just attacks fruitful ministers more ferosciously

You took me in as a daughter like your own

Filling a gap in my life so well

Coaching, affection, conversations that go beyond the shallow

Provided me great security and confidence for the future

You lent me a book that answered so many questions

Motivated me to search and learn, to seek God well

You saw in me things that weren't there

I guess they call that potential

I think it was "calling into existence things that don't exist" (Rom 4:17)

Leaders cheer others on

You were a true friend and never took advantage

You taught me of trust and what true friendship looks like

You set the bar high for any future guy

After all, I could never have settled after knowing you

You were real and authentic and never shied from the truth

Even if you thought it would make you look weak

We're all weak

Better to admit it and cling to God is what you taught me

I look at my present and see similar people- my parents, my husband and friends

But the church of my past is why I am where I am today. 

"How Beautiful is the Body of Christ!"

Pain

I have been wanting to write about so much lately, about all has happened since December, but health problems have kept me from it. Pain is a tricky thing. Having a headache most of most days for more than a month can make you crazy, guilty, and forget about so much of your life. The CS Lewis quote that God shouts to us in our pain does not ring true in my life. I can't think enough to commune with Him truly & deeply, although I do try sometimes. 

I DO find it absolutely true with emotional pain; maybe that's what the quote was about. Being in emotional pain is a do or die time in your spiritual life. If you don't turn to Him in deep ways during those times, I think you never really do, or may not ever again. If you do, it cements your relationship with Him for a long time to come. 

But physical pain, no. I just brace myself to survive it and do what I can to take my mind off of it. I can't really retreat into medication- Ibuprofen tears up my stomach & narcotics make me super depressed when I came off of it (not that I'd take them for a headache), and I have a conspiracy theory about Tylenol (it does nothing for me). So I turn on the TV, do fun projects or read if I can, retreat from the kids & the noise. The hardest part is probably that it makes connecting with people difficult. You either complain or you're not authentic. It's a catch-22. And my word for 2017 is "authentic", so that's probably what you got if you interacted with me during the past couple months. 

Well, that's my authentic post for the month. :) Back to unwanted advice & cute pics of my kids....

January Goals Review

January Goals Review

• 52 week challenge- This month included devotions, daily routine, to do list, and memory keeping. I added Thru the Bible radio to me devotions each morning, as well as an app called "PrayerProLife" for prayer.  I am working on implementing my evening routine a little better. I have found that if I wait until 9:00 pm to do all those "before bed" things, it is too late! As a result, I have been in bed earlier and getting up earlier! I downloaded another app that is AMAZING called Home Routines. I have been looking for something like this for a long time. It is fully customizable with a regular to do list, as well as recurring lists for monthly, weekly, etc, or whatever you want! I highly recommend it. 
• Office Month- I did basically nothing. :D But since Feb is Car Month & Super Dad got me a gift certificate for a car detail, I will just do it this month instead.
• Read one book- I am ALMOST done with this book: After You Believe by N.T. Wright. I think it's excellent. It might not appeal to everyone, just because not everyone has the same questions I do, but it answered a lot for me. If I could sum Wright up, I'd say he expresses everything I've ever believed in a fresh and better to understand way. He makes a lot of connections for me I hadn't thought of before. If you've ever wondered things like, "Once I'm saved, what does morality matter?" or "Does grace really nullify all hard work in the Christian life toward sanctification?" then you will enjoy it!
• Contact one family member. I wrote my grandmother a letter. :) 
• My goal ALL year to speak positive things- to my spouse, to my kids, about myself, about my circumstances. Not so sure I did as well with this one. His mercies are new every morning! 

30 Days of Chilling Out

We've all seen the articles that litter Facebook and Pinterest, 30 days to a better this, 30 days to lower that. Sometimes we need to take a step back and rest! Rest is talked about (I don't know the #, but a lot!) of times in the Bible. It is even linked to our very salvation (see Hebrews 4, Proverbs 10:22, & Romans 4:5).

I have struggled with adrenal fatigue since high school and have come a long way in learning how to treat it, but it has hit again recently, probably just from raising 2 toddler boys. The biggest symptom for me lately is over-reacting to stress. Things that most people can take in stride just really put me over the top as far as stress goes. That rational part of my brain (which, thank God, still works) is saying, "Really? That is going to bother you right now?" but whatever other part of my brain that has spawned just takes over. This is a big clue that adrenals are an issue. It seems that it would be the opposite, and that your body would just be too tired to care about anything, but I have not the time or energy to give a scientific explanation for it right now, OK? :) 

So when I discovered this guy and his method of re-booting metabolism (and all hormones along with it), I decided to give it a try. Each of us has different stressors that set us off, so I evaluated what mine were and made some "rules" for myself, although they don't really seem like rules.

• Eat a big breakfast very soon after getting up- this starts the metabolism and turns off your stress hormones that carry you through the night.
• Eat whenever I'm hungry. (I had actually stopped getting normal hunger cues and would go straight to low blood sugar symptoms right out of nowhere, so I had to start planning my meals ahead of time so I'd be ready before the crash (the crash stresses the adrenals!)
• ...without worrying too much about WHAT I'm eating. Eat what I want. (This was interesting, because when I pay attention to what I really want, I realize a lot of it is healthy. I don't feel deprived, because I can have the frozen pizza if I really want it, but do I? Or do I want a big chicken salad with veggies, nuts, cheese, and avocado? When you don't feel deprived, you're free to make better choices.)
  (for more on what to eat, see the link above)
• Wean off of coffee. (OK, I take that back! This one DID seem like a rule, a very difficult one! I only have one cup a day, but it makes me feel bad. I get shaky and jittery and just feel ug. I was still chasing that high I used to get from it when I was more healthy. That reaction is another sign of adrenal fatigue, by the way.)
•  When my 2 YO is whining (big stressor for me!), STOP what I'm doing and listen and play with him or do whatever he needs. 
• No internet after dinner. (I need this time to wind down, and the internet winds me UP.)
• No debating. (only for 30 days, not forever, bwahahaha!)
• No talk radio. (Again, a personal stressor for me. For people who don't ever listen to it, I would SUGGEST it, ;) )
•  Nothing suspenseful on TV.
• Take some time each day to meditate and kind of turn my mind off, maybe a power-nap.
• Rest one day per week. (Turns out, the best day for me right now is Sunday, duh! :) But I usually rest a little on Sat, and little on Sun, and a little the day the boys go to their church program. My goal is to work harder on Saturdays so I can have one day to chill!)
• Get lots of sleep at night. 

I'm doing this for the month of April.

To Hell and Back, part 5- Resources

GO HERE

What I love!

It may or may not have been said of me, just a few times, that I am somewhat, pessimistic. I really prefer the term "realist". The other day John said, "how is that realism? life is good!" "We live in a fallen world," was my textbook, cliche-ish response. But he is right. My life is amazing. 

I do think one reason we all (yes, even you shallow optimists- hehe), notice the bad is because we were MEANT to live in a perfect world! God created us in His image to live in His perfect creation, before we messed it all up. So I think there is that sense that we need to fix whatever is wrong, no matter how little, that it's not SUPPOSED to be like this! Because it really isn't. The hard part comes with the realization that all that's wrong is our (humans' in general) fault and that anything good that comes now is from His grace. That's where the need to be positive comes in. So here I go; I'll take a stab at it.....

• I LOVE my job. Seriously, I feel so lucky to be able to wake up each morning to 2 healthy boys who love their Mama and need her all day. I don't love each part of my day or every part of my job, but staying home with them has been such a blessing! They are SO fun!
• I LOVE living in Texas and in the town where I live. The people, the food, the weather (yes, even the heat- take over snow 6 mo at a time any day!), the environment, the thousands of churches that dot each street corner. Love my roots and love that my boys are 7th generation Texans.
• I LOVE the family I married into. There are so many people who want to be a part of their family. Seriously, I am lucky.
• I LOVE nap time. Call me shallow, but I love that time of day where there aren't 1500 distractions and I just sit and THINK. The introvert in me really needs that each day.
• I LOVE the way my mom chose to educate me. I see SO many benefits of it all the time, and they definitely outnumber the drawbacks. 
• I LOVE that God has brought me through so many difficulties. I did not love them at the time, but I can see all the time how Romans 8:28 really does work. Dislocated hip, divorce, broken back & spinal cord injury, 3 weeks of mental health hell, postpartum depression, all for good.
• I LOVE sunsets, the sky, the smell of woodpiles burning in the fall, swimming, boats, listening to sermons online, and reading a good book at Starbucks.

For being a realist, that's a pretty good start, I guess. Maybe I need to make this theme a regular here! :) 

Dropping Potatoes- thoughts on anger

GO HERE

The Answer when you Doubt your Faith

This is a definite must-watch!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljAqm3Hjfc0

Post Partum Depression

I never thought I'd be writing about this! It's one of those things you read about in all the pregnancy magazines but never think will happen to you. Especially after having pre-natal depression with my first and being in a wonderful mood afterwards!

The first couple weeks are always a roller coaster, but this was something different. I couldn't sleep hardly at all, even when baby was sleeping. (I also came home from the hospital sick which didn't help.) Waves of feeling out of control, scared for no reason, on edge, or just really down would just sweep over me for no reason. Pretty much everything I thought about was either really scary or really negative.

There are people who attach other causes as well as the physical to PPD- things like circumstances, being overwhelmed as a mom, nervous about the baby, sleep deprivation, spiritual issues, etc. I can tell you that just like any other mom, I had those things going on too, but NONE of them was causing the PPD. For me anyway, it was all physical, all brain chemistry, caused by hormones. Why some get it while others don't is a mystery. I think genetic predisposition, diet, & how well you took care of yourself during pregnancy all play major roles though.

After 4 months I am feeling like myself again! I just wanted to share what helped me in case someone could benefit from it....

1. Prayer! I actually couldn't really pray those first few weeks. I mean I could barely keep a thought in my head at all. All I could do was just tell myself over & over, "This will get better." But I only knew that because of my hope in Christ. Without Him nothing really ever stays better, and with Him things will eventually and certainly be better forever. I knew all of that deep down, and that can honestly help you through anything.
2. Friends & Family. My mom & mom-in-law came took turns staying with us & watching big brother. Without them, I don't know what I would've done. My mom also encouraged me to find solutions and also keep perspective, that it won't be like this forever. My husband, of course, was a huge encouragement and blessing to put up with me! I had friends bringing meals, watching my older son, and helping out in other ways. If you don't have someone to help you, ask for it! If people offer, don't say no! Make a list beforehand of ways people can help in case someone calls or asks in passing. 
3. Progesterone. I am a member of an awesome online community, and a sweet lady from there suggested that natural, bio-identical progesterone cream would help me. I blew it off at first, but as I became desperate, I started checking into it. It just so happened that a friend of mine worked at a clinic that prescribes it, so I made an appointment. The day after I adjusted my dose to the correct dose, I felt amazingly better! I won't get into all of why it helps, because this post is already so long, but here are a couple articles on it... HERE and HERE. After starting it, I could sleep again, & my moods were calmer & more even. I take 100 mg a day which is more than twice the normal dose. I am going to try weaning down soon and see how I do. HERE is an even more natural form of progesterone that's supposed to be really good & effective. (order here)
4. But I kept getting these relapses. In the evenings, my depression would creep back in for a couple of hours. Or I would be fine for a couple weeks and then it would hit hard again for 2-3 days. Another lady from the same online community who was a midwife suggested St. John's Wort. I thought it was worth a shot. After 3 days, my depression was pretty much gone and has not come back at all! I feel better than I did before I got pregnant, the way I did while on anti-depressants for a stint in college! I would highly suggest SJW to anyone struggling with mild to moderate depression who is leary of starting anti-depressants. Some info...HERE.
5. Other things that may help: Getting some sun every day, exercise, diet change, more sleep, therapy, fish oil, and getting OUT of the house every once in awhile. :) While these things will probably help if you have the Baby Blues, they will likely only put a dent in full fledged PPD. For that, I think one or more of the above suggestions are really necessary. Sam-E is another well studied natural depression fighter. I just haven't tried it because the SJW is working so well for me.

Disclaimer: I am not a health professional. Please consult your doctor before beginning any treatment for depression. Also, know you cannot take SJW while on anti-depressants!

To Hell and Back- Part 4- Results!

Finally! :)

To Hell & Back, Part 3- Recovery

See here for part 3.

To Hell & Back, Part 2- Coming out of the Pit

See here for part 2 of my story.

Check back tomorrow for part 3.

To Hell & Back- Part 1- How it Began

A story of what happened to me last year that will forever change my life.