Pain

I have been wanting to write about so much lately, about all has happened since December, but health problems have kept me from it. Pain is a tricky thing. Having a headache most of most days for more than a month can make you crazy, guilty, and forget about so much of your life. The CS Lewis quote that God shouts to us in our pain does not ring true in my life. I can't think enough to commune with Him truly & deeply, although I do try sometimes. 

I DO find it absolutely true with emotional pain; maybe that's what the quote was about. Being in emotional pain is a do or die time in your spiritual life. If you don't turn to Him in deep ways during those times, I think you never really do, or may not ever again. If you do, it cements your relationship with Him for a long time to come. 

But physical pain, no. I just brace myself to survive it and do what I can to take my mind off of it. I can't really retreat into medication- Ibuprofen tears up my stomach & narcotics make me super depressed when I came off of it (not that I'd take them for a headache), and I have a conspiracy theory about Tylenol (it does nothing for me). So I turn on the TV, do fun projects or read if I can, retreat from the kids & the noise. The hardest part is probably that it makes connecting with people difficult. You either complain or you're not authentic. It's a catch-22. And my word for 2017 is "authentic", so that's probably what you got if you interacted with me during the past couple months. 

Well, that's my authentic post for the month. :) Back to unwanted advice & cute pics of my kids....

Things I'm Loving

Sitting out on the porch in the early morning (especially the few teasing days where it feels like fall in October in Texas) reading my Bible & praying on this
.

I got mine for $170 on jet.com, but this one is now $124! Super Dad doesn't like how much room it takes up on our back porch, but he said I could do whatever I wanted with our garage sale money, so.... ;) It is amazing and so comfortable! All my friends who have seen it want one.

Pumpkin spice. Even though cold weather is nowhere to be found except on random mornings where it dips down into the 50's for a few minutes, we can still enjoy one perk from fall! Here is my iced coffee with pumpkin spice creamer (yes, it's fake, because I haven't seen that flavor in any of the healthy creamers yet) & these new bars I discovered that were on sale this week at the grocery store. The protein is grass fed whey, no fake sweeteners, added fish oil, and yes, pumpkin flavored. :)

Podcasts. While doing dishes or housework, I've been putting my ear buds in to listen to something inspiring or entertaining. Since none are ones I'd want to listen to every day, I switch around. Serial (real life crime cases), Jamie Ivey's Happy Hour (Christianity/living well), John Piper's Ask Pastor John or others (theology/Christian living), Heidi St. John (homeschooling/mothering), Chris Kresser (health/nutrition) are ones I've been enjoying lately. 

Yoga. I've been doing some free videos off of doyogawithme.com, the ones that look void of prayer stones, relics, chants, or saluting the sun. I just want to do the bodily positions. I have already noticed a difference in my posture & the way I carry myself. My back & core are in desperate need of this! There is Christian Yoga out there, but I couldn't find enough free videos on it.

Ways you are Ruining Facebook for Everyone

1. Posting only about one thing. We understand your passion, but try to vary your posts as much as possible to appeal to a wider audience.
2. Using your personal site as primarily a business account. For business, create a page, not a profile. If you're posting more than 25% about your business on your personal site, you'll lose friends or followers because of it.
3. Unfriending people over differences. If someone is being outright rude or abusive, I block them (I think that's happened once... I have great friends!!). I only unfriend if someone's being creepy or scary, and that's never happened, because I only friend people I know in real life (with a very few exceptions of people I've known online for some time, and then only females of course!) I realize people have facebook accounts for different reasons. If you only want family on your account, or only close friends, that's completely fine. However, unfriending or blocking someone because you don't agree with everything they say is immature. Don't be afraid to let your views be stretched.
4. Being offended over every little thing. So your friend called formula feeders lazy. Speak up if you want; she may not have thought about all the reasons someone may need to formula feed. That will help her think more thoroughly & accurately about her future posts, but try not to take it personally. If you know laziness wasn't your motivation, just move on. There's a joke meme about candy giving you diabetes. This is different, because it's a joke. The vast majority of us know this would only be talking about Type 2 Diabetes, and while it's also true that not all of those cases are caused by lifestyle, it's a joke. We're all offended at times, and it's easy to think of things that don't offend you as no big deal, but I also think we could all benefit from giving others the benefit of the doubt. Their motives for posting were to advocate for breastfeeding and to make people laugh, both noble motives, right?
5. Posting controversial things and being shocked when people offer a rebuttal. Did you think everyone would automatically agree with you? If it's controversial, it's going to be controversial. If you don't have an intelligent answer back, maybe you need to revisit your belief.
6. Complaining about "all the negative posts". There are those who want FB to be only a happy place, full of funny memes & baby pics. That's fine, but like your mama taught you, you can only control yourself. Post only that stuff if it makes you happy. Some personality types like to battle ideas; some like to post areas where they're struggling to build rapport with other strugglers or ask for prayer. Let others have their thing. Allow them to be different.
7. Posting about your absolutely perfect life ONLY. Really guys, no one's buying it. 
8. Being rude. Seriously just don't. Respect others enough to be tactful. When you start insulting, you've lost your argument, and intelligent people know this. 
9. And finally... (and yes, this one's for the Baby Boomers), posting "forwards" you haven't yet verified. ;)

Great Wolf Lodge, Grapevine- review & tips

We just got back from Great Wolf Lodge in Grapevine. Overall, a fun trip! I wanted to share some tips, reviews, & things I wish I'd known before going in case it helps someone.

Hotel- 
Great decorations and atmosphere (except they had scary Halloween decor. Don't even get me started on this. Why? just why?...)
Not comfortable, the bed and couch and even the kids' bunks were not very comfortable. For the price I expected a lot more. There were 2 big craters in our bed.
The walls are thin. TIP: bring earplugs. Even the cleaning staff was loud right outside our door late at night.
TIP: bring your own shampoo/conditioner if you're picky. This may have been the worst shampoo I've ever put on my head, & it didn't condition, but I'm not picky, lol.
There is a micro/fridge in every room, which was a huge plus. We brought our own breakfasts & snacks.

Activities-
Story time was OK. The kids enjoyed it, but I think older kids might not. TIP: get there early for games & a good seat.
Skipper (age 4) loved the "dance party". The staff were really into it & great with the kids.
We did the nature walk one morning. Eh, so-so.

Food-
Was not exceptional & was overpriced. I mean, not Disney overpriced, but somewhat. The outside pool restaurant waiters were not friendly, & didn't want to do their jobs, like cleaning tables. The others were ok.
TIP: Eat out for dinner and at the Lodge for lunch. We went here, here, & to In & Out Burger near the freeway. All great.
Starbucks was great, and the line wasn't too long.

Water park-
Was excellent, overall. Lifeguards were great & helpful. There are slides for all ages & levels of bravery. 3 kiddie slides, along with lots of water shooting toys, 2 medium body slides that went pretty slowly (even littles are allowed to ride), 3 indoor bigger tube slides that are fast if you're riding double or large, but not so much if you're alone, & 2 indoor higher thrill tube slides with steeps drops (the green 1 inside & the red & white one that goes outside immediately). There are also a wave pool, a lazy river, 2 hot tubs (1 for adults only, the other connects to an outside one), & another activity pool.
The outside was open during the weekends only when we went (September). I think it's closed entirely once it gets cold out, & open every day in the summer. There is a big activity pool & 2 tube slides that were fun, as well as lots of places to lay out.
There are life jackets & a few puddle jumpers available, as well as plenty of towels. 3 shower stalls for the whole park aren't enough, but there are 2 big bathrooms.
TIP: Go during non peak times- early morning, Sunday evening, & weekdays (except Fri night, that's crowded.) The lines never got super long, but the other pools did get crowded during peak times. I tried to plan our water times around those.
TIP: If there's not a line for the showers, rinse kids off before leaving the pool (there are soap dispensers in the showers), then you won't have to bathe them!

TIP: Search for deals! You can get as much as 1/2 off if you book early or find a deal on Groupon.
TIP: If something goes wrong, call the front desk & politely let them know. We were out of hot water for just awhile one morning, and they comped us $75 back from our room fee! If they ask if you're eating breakfast or whatever meal at one of their restaurants, and you say "yes" they will comp that instead, so be aware of that. We would rather have $ off our room!

In Which I Muse About Blogging More

This blog cracks me up. It started as a theology/politics thing. I thought I knew stuff back then. I mean, I hope I know even more now, but maybe my brain is slower. I blame that on the kids. I'm not sure how to put those 2 subjects into words anymore, and politics is just plain no fun anymore, right? (I still think we should be involved.)

Then I started writing about homeschooling. That's my hobby. That has simplified somewhat in more recent years, not because I thought I was doing anything wrong, but because each kid is different, and my 2nd, while he enjoys school, won't if I make him do it my way. My oldest wants to know what the proper way is; my youngest will find out by trial & error. 

But I want to write more. I want to look back and see what these years were like and to share my thoughts with others, whatever it's worth. I'm also reading more. Less TV, less Facebook, more books. The words flow so much easier when you're filling yourself with books. So (my mom says not to start a sentence with "so").... Therefore, look for more from me in the future. Here's hoping this post will be my accountability & motivation! As with all of life, if I can leave perfection at the door, I'll have more production.

(Note: All my posts will be on the main page from here on out, so no more confusing links! All topics here! And who knows WHAT those topics will be...)

January 2015 Goals

Goals for January 2015

For a long time I didn't believe in New Year's Resolutions, and I still don't in the sense that I believe everyday is a new day! 

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3

But I just have too many things that I want to improve in my life. As I get older, I see more and more that I want to change. 

I saw this 52 week challenge that I want to do this year. I may not need to work on every topic she lists, but I will be posting my thoughts and improvements as I go (not each week! Hopefully, each month!)

I also have this list to work on during the weekends: January is Office Month!

My third goal is to read one book. I started doing a book a month 2 years ago and really benefited from it.

Fourth, I want to connect meaningfully with some extended family at least once a month. This is just an area I am lacking in, and I want to do better. I should be doing more probably, but baby steps are better than nothing! I'm not going to post whom beforehand but afterwards!

My goal ALL year to speak positive things- to my spouse, to my kids, about myself, about my circumstances. 

Death and life are in the power of the tongue Proverbs 18

A soft answer turns away wrath, Proverbs 15

Gracious words are like a honeycomb,
sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16 

Do you have any goals/resolutions? 

Things I recommend in Tyler

We left Tyler about 6 weeks ago, and while we love our new city, there are definitely things we miss! These are things I recommend to others living or moving there:

• Brookshire's Park & Wildlife Museum. We spent lots of time here. The playgrounds (yes plural) are amazing, and my kids loved the animals as well! Best of all, it's free! Another great one is the Whitehouse Park- tons of shade & fenced in!
• Caldwell Zoo. This place is amazing. We got a membership and went alll the time! We miss not having a zoo so close!
• Colonial Hills Baptist Church Mother's Day Out. We loved this place mostly because of the teachers and the focus on Christ. The other things we liked were the price (one of the cheapest in town) and how laid back they are with certain things- potty training, pacis, peanuts, among others. :) They just were not freaked out about little things, which I appreciated. 
• The worship leader at Grace Community Church. We loved other things about this church, of course, but because of John's schedule, we weren't able to be too involved. I just wanted to mention him, because he is so genuine and is one of the rare people with music AND teaching talent. (Usually it's one or the other, and I'm always thinking, "juuust play the music," when worship leaders start talking a lot; but not with him. He's great!)
• Trimble Farms. This is where I got our raw milk, among other things. They have ground beef (grass fed), steaks, sausage, whole organic chicken, raw local honey, free range eggs, goat soap, homemade jelly & salsa. Bobby Trimble is a really nice Christian guy, and I miss their milk SO much! :( 
• Drug Emporium & The Granary. If you are like me and are frustrated with the lack of healthy foods at decent prices in Tyler, check these stores out.
• Dr Marc Langas. I didn't find out about him until a few months before we left, or I would have gone to him myself, but we did send our 2 YO there when he was having tummy issues and trouble sleeping. He's a chiropractor who also does nutrition counseling and muscle testing. Christian, super nice, super down to earth!
• Cody Carter, DC @ Hembree Chiropractic. This clinic exclusively uses a gently chiropractic technique that anyone can be comfortable with. No cracking your neck! :) It works too. But if you go there, I definitely recommend choosing Dr. Carter.  
• Larry Skylar, MMP. If you've never heard of medical massage, it is, in a word, amazing! I have been to 3 different ones now, and the technique is so different from just a regular massage therapist. They get you right at the pressure points, and get the muscles to release. So instead of massaging out a knot, they will press at the right point to just get the knot to release. It really is amazing. But it's for real medical issues and injuries, not a relaxing experience! It is painful, but if you are in pain, you will realize how worth it it is! Larry Skylar is the only one I know of in Tyler. $85 for one hour. If you are not in Tyler and want someone who will actually bring results, the certification is called "medical massage practitioner." It's the highest massage certification you can get.
• Restaurants: Stanley's (best BBQ), Wok Box (best Chinese, although nowhere near authentic!), Villa Montez, Lago del Pino, and pretty much any Mexican food!

Open Letter to Doctors

(Disclaimer: My husband is a WONDERFUL doctor, and none of this would ever apply to him, of course. :)  )


Dear Doctor, 

I am paying YOU. While it may seem like the insurance company or the government is actually paying you, you wouldn't have any of that money if it weren't for ME. You work for ME.

You don't know everything; no one does. The sooner you're able to admit that, the better. The best docs I've ever been to are the ones who would look at research I brought in, who would do further research if needed if they didn't have answers on my condition, and who would give me studies to look at on specific topics. Don't treat your patients like idiots. Yes, many of them are idiots, but just because you disagree does not necessarily make the patient an idiot. The human body is so complicated, no person could ever hope to know everything about it. Furthermore, the studies coming out in medicine are so numerous, you would never have time to read them all.

It's MY body, not yours. I trust your advice, education, and experience for the most part, or I wouldn't be coming to you. But because you don't know everything (see above), don't discount my ideas or desires just because they are foreign to you. I know many docs may feel responsible for poor choices their patients make, but you're not. Advise and let your patients make the decision for themselves. Your job is not to force certain actions on the public but to give your expert advice when we ask. Along those same lines, I am responsible to raise up my children the way I think best, not you. Parent your own children. If there's no abuse involved, mind your own business.

Don't feel so threatened. Many doctors are threatened by questions, threatened by different views, threatened by natural doctors or natural methods, threatened by me asking for an additional test. I don't get this. How does it harm you? It's time for natural docs and mainstream docs to start working TOGETHER. This warfare does nothing but turn patients loyal toward one and antagonistic toward the other, which can only be a detriment to all involved (and the antagonism exists on BOTH sides). We, as patients, need both, and we need you to start being open-minded and working together.

If you can't find a reason or diagnosis for my complaint, explain that. Send me to a specialist or just admit you don't know or can't help. DON'T make me feel crazy, say it's all in my head, or suggest anti-depressants (unless there is a clear need, like, hmmm, admitted depression?) Be humble enough to admit that nobody knows everything. Admit that, and either research it more or move on. Don't be disrespectful.

Don't let other docs bully you, and DON'T gang up with other docs to bully your patients about a certain issue (pediatricians, anyone??) That's not your job. Have the self confidence to be yourself and act on your own convictions. 

-Your Patients

Christians, Stop Deominzing Nuetral Words, Pt 1- Psychology

I've noticed a trend among church-goers. We seem to misunderstand or forget the original meanings of words when liberals or secularists hijack them and change the meaning.

Psychology is one of those. I cringe when I hear people say, "I don't believe in psychology. I believe in turning to God." Really? You don't believe in: 

psy·chol·o·gy

noun \-jē\

: the science or study of the mind and behavior

: the way a person or group thinks

? God created psychology. Just like everything in life, it's His; it doesn't belong to anyone who may have hijacked that term. God created our minds and sets up the various things that may influence our behavior. Furthermore, I believe He wants us to study these things and figure out why they work the way they do. If by saying that, you mean you don't agree with modern pop psychology that wants to blame the past (the mother, haha) for everything and treat everything with behavior modification and/or drugs, then I would have to agree with you, but let's use the right terminology. 

This doesn't mean that everything written in a modern psychology textbook is wrong or that seeing a psychologist is never going to be helpful, even if they use some modern techniques. The human brain and behavior are SO complex. I'm a firm believer that our physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual lives are interlinked. 

I, for example, struggle with anxiety. My father and his mother both had it, so perhaps it's inherited. Then again, it got worse after 2 different traumatic accidents I had in which I was injured, so maybe it's caused by circumstances in life. It got WAY worse on occasions when I was pregnant or post-partum, so then maybe it's just all hormones & body chemistry? Prayer, worship, and staying close to Christ helps to calm me down, and I firmly believe demonic attack is associated with many mental disorders, so that's something to think about as well. The lie is that every mental disorder or symptom is caused by only ONE of these things. The truth is that each is very multi-faceted. 

There is a popular Christian counseling method called "Biblical Counseling." I was coached on this method by a friend who is trained in it, and I think it's a great tool. The basic premise is that we sin, and in our guilt we run from God instead of turning TO him for forgiveness. This unresolved guilt causes a range of psychological symptoms. The idea is that when we return to fellowship with God through confession, our issues will be resolved. I like its simplicity, and think it gives some great tools. But what they are studying and treating is psychology. The weakness would be if the counselor ignores the health, circumstantial, and even demonic contributions to the symptoms.

If you think you're dealing with demonic attack, this is a great resource.

If you're interested in learning more about conflict, why it happens, and how to handle it, this is an excellent book.

Here is another great one on communication styles and why we misunderstand each other. 

These are both well worth the read.

Don't be afraid to study psychology; just be careful your source follows God's ideas for us, not just man's.

 

Trim Healthy Mama review + other books...

One of my New Year's resolutions was to read one book per month in 2013. Here is what I've read so far + reviews... :)

1.

C  I guess I just have a different sense of humor, but I stopped reading this about half way through. Just not that good.









2,
C   Again, maybe I wasn't in a the right mindset, but I didn't really get a lot out of this one either. If you are really new to mothering or children, then you might get a lot out of it; it just seemed really basic, maybe, and not super well-written. I also did not finish this one, so I counted both of these for one month. :)






3.  

A   This book will reeeeally benefit you if you have sugar issues, meaning, if you are constantly craving sweet foods or refined carbohydrates. It also talks about how sugar sensitivity is linked to alcoholism and other addictions. (After all, alcohol turns STRAIGHT into sugar in the bloodstream, and many alcoholics cannot succeed until the also give up sugar.) Cutting WAY back on sugar is something we ALL need to do, no exceptions, and I have recently done that. (Search for "Sugar: The Bitter Truth" on Youtube for an excellent video on the subject.) But if you are very sugar sensitive (which I found out I am not really, even though we all are affected by it), then you have to get rid of ALL of it, plus all sweet things, even Stevia. This book takes you step by step through the process without beating you over the head about it.

4.

A+   This book is amazing, wonderful, glorious, and all the other good adjectives in the dictionary, lol! It's the perfect eating plan/weight loss/ healthy eating for life book. It's written by 2 Christian moms with large families who did a ton of research on nutrition (one my FAV topics as well). One even used to be a Vegan. It follows pretty closely the philosophy of Weston A Price/Nourishing Traditions if you're familiar with that. I was always a fan of that farm fresh, whole food philosophy myself. It's not strict in that you can use some convenience and processed foods (or not if you so choose); you don't have to make everything from scratch and spend hours in the kitchen. You never go hungry or count calories. The books has lots of recipes, but once you learn the concept, you can adapt almost any meal to make it fit and research and find tons of recipes. The basic premise is separating your fats from your carbs and then getting rid of processed sugars and starches (simple carbs). There are very few "off limits" foods. It also has chapters on other health topics as well which I found enlightening: hormones, sex, exercise, etc. Love it. I use it all the time for reference, and even though I cheat way too much, I have lost 7 lbs! woohoo.

5. 

 A+    This is an excellent book! I highly recommend it!










6.  
B   I have not seen the movie yet, but this is an incredible story. The book does have some slow parts, and I personally thought the husband was pretty, ummmm, slow to learn in dealing with his wife. It seems like common sense to me that if your wife doesn't remember who you are, you have to woo her all over again and try to get her to fall in love with you, not push her away by making sure her physical therapist is pushing her EVEN harder than he normally would have and trying to be her coach and father. Yet someone had to tell him all this. Maybe it's just because I'm a woman that I think this way. Still a great story.  
 

7.

B            This book is full of tips for running a household, and it's not just for large families. I do think you need to go into it realizing that her EXACT methods may not work for you, and you may need to tweak a lot. I wish her tone was less "the is THE way to do it" and more like, "These are some ideas that have worked well for me." That's my only complaint about the book. It has a legalistic tone even if that isn't the author's intent. I really enjoy her blog, so I don't know that it was intentional. Just read it with the mentality to take what works for you and leave the rest. I do think it's a valuable resource!



8.
A+  This book is excellent! It's not a practical tips book (although there are some of those) but gets to the heart of issues moms deal and struggle with. While it probes deeply, it comes off with grace rather than condemnation. It's challenging and encouraging at the same time. Each chapter is so short you could read it as a morning devotional. I need to go through it again. It was so good I wanted to finish it quickly, but I need to read it more slowly to be able to digest the points she makes.


9.

A+  This is a Bible study I did with some friends. It goes through various issues like fear, discontent, anger, etc and teaches us how to deal with them by seeking Christ and His power to overcome them. It's full of grace and void of striving/try-harder theology that really cannot lead to lasting change. I like that she keeps the correct focus and gets to the real heart of these issues rather than sticking a behavior management strategy on them.



10.

B+   I was excited to do this study, as I love Jen Hatmaker's blog and listened to a seminar she did that literally changed my life. Her story of how she and her husband left "churchyness" and the Christian, comfortable sub-culture and moved to South Austin to start a church which focuses on meeting people where they are and helping the "least of these" is amazing. I think that the book that goes along with this study tells that story. We only did the study. It was good and challenging in a way unlike most studies I have done. It will stretch you! The reason I gave it a B instead of an A was because it didn't seem to come from the grace standpoint I wrote about in the previous review, but from a, "we're doing it wrong, we simply need to do better," standpoint. It also was not nearly as well written as some of her stuff I've read, included almost everything in her blog. The other reason was because she is misinformed about some political things and wrongly equates liberal politics with Biblical practices. She doesn't harp on it or speak very much about it, but some things written in passing I was shaking my head at. Overall, worthwhile, though.

Facebook Rules

1.  Remember you're talking to EVERYONE on FB, so posting passive-aggressive notes you hope one person sees is annoying. The same goes for very specific posts you know 99% of people won't care about.
2. On the other hand, you have people posting things that are so random and vague, no one has any idea what they're talking about. The poster most likely wants someone to ask what's going on. Just tell us. No random posting. 
3. If you're posting something controversial, bring it on; just be ready for others to post an argument or evidence that counters what you're saying. Be ready for it, and as long as it's respectful, it's respectful for YOU to respond to it. At the very least, just say that you'll have to "agree to disagree" or something like that. 
4. Don't be afraid to post something that counters an outrageous claim or post by someone else. Of course, it's not always the time or the place, and wisdom may lead you rightly to keep your mouth shut, but don't let fear be your guide. Remember, you are not just talking to that person but to EVERYONE who reads that post. You have the power to be influential or at least make people think if it's something that really matters.
5. Don't hate on people who post controversial stuff. If we can't talk about things like this, in a respectful way, on FB, where can we? It's intimidating to bring this stuff up in person, and trust me, you don't want me or anyone else asking you constantly things like, "Do YOU drink raw milk? Why not? Here are all the benefits...." "YOU let your baby CIO!? OMGee. That is terrible. Have you seen the research on that?" "Who are you voting for? You're NOT voting? OMGee. What kind of American are you?"
   Trust me, you don't want that kind of confrontation going on. You don't want to have to tell me to my face how crazy I am, haha. On FB, you have the freedom to ignore it, roll your eyes at me, tell your husband how crazy I am, all in the privacy of your own home!
   OR, better yet, we have the time to read controversial stuff, research it for ourlseves, and come up with our stance on things like this. Think of it as a giant think tank, full of bright people we can bounce ideas off of, instead of a bunch of annoying, outspoken people who don't agree with what YOU'VE always thought. Stretch yourself a little. :) I know all our kids are cute, but a FB full of ONLY cute kid pics and corny infographics is my worst FB nightmare, haha. We will all become mindless, thoughtless goons.
6. Corny infographics are annoying. I'm probably being hypocritical saying this because of what I just wrote, but oh well, they are. 
7. Don't only post about ONE issue ALL the time. We all get on kicks where we're excited about something, but if you only post about ONE thing everyday, people will start to tune you out. This includes your business. Don't use your personal account to ONLY post about business. Start a new business account.
8. We really do. not. care. that you're working out every morning or what you eat for every meal or that work is a little boring today.  Don't be the boy who cried wolf. :) Be discriminating about what you post. 
9. Be encouraging.
10. and most importantly, be TACTFUL! Just be nice. :)

I'm sure I've personally broken almost all of these at some point, but it's something to strive for, to make a more peaceful and mutually beneficial FB environment. 

An Open Letter to Daughter-in-Laws

(Disclaimer: These letters are not about ANYONE in my life in particular. I am just sharing my thoughts in general. I realize that some mother-in-laws and even mothers are extremely difficult, abusive, manipulative, and divisive. While I feel for you, I am NOT writing about those situations, but rather about regular, imperfect but well meaning MILs.)

Another disclaimer- I am not a mother-in-law, so if you are, please comment and let me know how close I came to how you feel. We daughters need to hear it.

We had a mother-in-law panel at MOPS this past year that was very eye opening. We got to ask them questions- why do they do what they do, what do they expect from us?, etc. What I heard there and what I've seen around me in other situations is a lot of hurting mother-in-laws. 

Our generation is different from theirs, for sure. We have the internet with access to lots of research on health, parenting, etc. We don't have to rely as much on our own mothers and MILs for that wisdom. We are even discovering that they are/were wrong sometimes! No, baby cereal at 6 wks is not OK. Babies don't need to cry to exercise their lungs, etc... The other thing that's different is how independent we've become. We want to leave our parents, run away with our husbands, never to be bothered by family again. I'm here to tell you that this is wrong thinking.

Your MIL needs you, needs your children, and dare I say, maybe you and your children need her. The natural situation surrounding MIL & DILs is such that both parties can easily feel uncomfortable around and threatened by the other. DILs are new to the family, wondering how they'll fit in. Especially in this day in age, MILs have to wonder whether their new DIL will accept them or push them away. Both are wondering where the son's loyalty lies. (It should lie with his wife, by the way, which is why this is YOUR issue, to make things right with your MIL. A husband can almost find no safe way to bring this up to you if there is a problem.)

Your MIL does not want to control your life. She doesn't want her son back. She doesn't want to steal away your children and raise them how she sees fit. She most likely doesn't think you're a horrible mother and wife. That's probably your own insecurity rearing its ugly voice in your mind. She wants to be included and involved. She wants pictures and crafts the kids make and to be invited to special events like birthday parties. She wants you to listen sometimes to her advice. Take it or toss it, but at least listen. She wants you to tell her straight up if there's a problem with how she's doing things. (a REAL problem, NOT, "you put them to bed 30 minutes late, so they can never come stay with you again." or "Johnny can only eat 3 servings of fruit a day and you gave him 6.") 

Using your children as manipulation pawns is not OK. They need their grandparents, and their grandparents need them. You are not an empty nester yet, but just TRY to put yourself in those shoes for 2 seconds. It is hard, and you just want family around you and to feel you are still useful in some way in influencing the younger generations for good. Try to imagine how it would feel to have your son (because his loyalty should lie with you, remember?) and grandchildren never come see you  because your DIL is too busy, too strict, too whatever. Especially if you make lots of time for YOUR family- this can sting even worse. They don't have to do things exactly like you do to be good caretakers of your children. 

I have just seen far too many DILs being overly critical of their MILs and being way too controlling with the relationship between her and her grandchildren. Expecting them to respect your wishes is one thing, but it can easily go overboard into being nit picky, all in the name of "boundaries". You feel you have something to prove, that you are a better mother than she, but it's just not necessary. 

On the other side, I have seen DILs become patient and accepting even of a difficult MIL, and this turned the relationship around. Now they have a healthy relationship with mutual respect. Let your guard down; let go of some control; trust God with your kids; and be more selfless. Everybody will benefit. 

Open Letter to Married Men

(Disclaimer: This is not written to ANYONE I know in particular. I am simply sharing my thoughts in general and hoping this might shed some light for someone. Also, know that women have PLENTY of things they need to work on, to get a man's perspective on. I hope your wives are doing that. But you need a woman's perspective sometimes too.)

Repeat after me:

My wife loves me. She does NOT think I'm a failure, and especially not because I put a collared shirt on my preschooler to go outside and play in the mud in, when I KNOW (because she has told me one other time) those are only for school & church. She does keep track of all the good things I do. She would be miserable without all the ways I come through for her. When I forget her take-out order for the fifteenth time or watch football all day while she's away with the kids instead of cleaning up the kitchen like she asked, she does not really take joy in making me feel like a complete failure with her words when she gets home. She is hurt. She feels like I don't love her, or at least wasn't loving her or thinking of her in that moment. And when I react at her hurt with anger, that hurts her exponentially more than the original offense did. I do this because I think she just likes to get on to me about any little thing I do wrong, but she doesn't. She is hurting and feeling unloved. Me withdrawing or blowing up will do NOTHING to help our relationship. Trying to understand the hurt behind the complaints will move mountains for us.

Repeat after me: "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking of you. How can I make it right?" Those 3 sentences will change your life!

There are things she does to me that make me feel unloved and disrespected also. I need to stop being passive aggressive about them and let her know what's going on. I will let her know what I need more of, what I need less of. I will try to remember that women understand this kind of communication and it likely won't undo her like it tends to undo me. I can help hold her accountable, gently and patiently. I can share what hurts me. It's my right to do that.

I am not responsible for my wife's feelings. Those are hers. When I hurt her, I fix it with the 3 sentences above, but every time she's hurting, it is NOT on me. Every time she's down, depressed, anxious, irritable, it is NOT my fault. I am NOT failing my family (same goes for my kids), and I CAN lead her out of it by being cheerful and PURSUING her, NOT lecturing or reacting with my own poor attitude. My joy comes from the LORD, not my wife. 

Even though my wife wants me to lead her, that doesn't mean it's always easy to follow me. I am not perfect. I need to be open to her suggestions and advice, especially where it comes to our young children. Repeat after me: "You (probably) know more about young children than I do. Do what you think is best." (or whatever area your wife is better with. It may not be this area!) When she sees me about to take our family over a proverbial cliff, she cannot just be quiet about it. And after she has spoken her mind and I still decide to drive over (or not! Maybe it will turn out fine! You can never tell with guys like me. ;) ), I need to understand that that is one of the hardest things I will ever ask her to do. If she still supports and follows me, I need to give her all the credit in the world.

But just because she questions my decisions sometimes does NOT mean that she doesn't trust me at all or doesn't want me to lead. She is just scared. I am not God. Say it again: "I am not God!" If my security is in Christ and not her approval, I will be able to step out in faith, even after failure, and risk again, adjust my course, and try again. Don't be discouraged, self! Don't be discouraged. She needs me to be strong for her, to protect her, to love her. And when I do all of this for our children as well, that also fills her up. Her children are her heart. Hurting them is hurting her. Playing with and caring for and investing in them is doing the SAME thing for her. I kill 2 birds with one stone- bonus!

I can do this. God is my strength. He has given me everything I need.

Open Letter to Young Single Women

I'm speaking to you from the other side. I know it's hard where you are. As hard as raising children and being a wife is, I understand that you are not there yet, and where you are is hard too. The worst part for my planning personality was just not knowing. I wanted to know what the future held, what to expect. You are anxious to get your life going, to get on to "real life". But know this, you are living your life NOW. You are growing and influencing the Kingdom now. Looking back, I envy your free time and your opportunity for ministry. Take advantage of the unique time in your life that you may not have again. 

But because I am on the other side now, I can warn you of dangers to come. One of the biggest threats to your safety, your emotional & spiritual health, and your future children is men. The reason it's the biggest threat is because you can learn from and get past other mistakes fairly quickly. If you smoke pot, drink too much, get arrested, make a wrong friend, believe a wrong doctrine, or alienate your family, you can usually come back from all of those pretty quickly. Those things matter, but whom you marry matters more. Sure, there is divorce for Biblical reasons like abuse, abandonment, or unfaithfulness, but those divorces are not without consequences. But most bad marriages don't have those "outs". You are "stuck" for life. (I am NOT writing this to married women, so don't write me about that, lol.) 

I want to tell you a bit about my dating experience. In high school, I made a decision not to date until after I graduated. This was a personal conviction that I had. I had recently had a huge hole filled in my life by a father figure that came into my life who gave me lots of needed security and love. If you are estranged from your father or are not close, or he, for whatever reason, can't be your security during those teenage years, I would challenge you to pray for someone to fill that role. That's what I did, and God certainly answered. I think this is a huge protection for young women. 

When I got to college, I wasn't looking for a date or a boyfriend. I was looking for a husband. Now, of course, you have to get through those first steps, obviously. But anyone who obviously was not husband material was off the list. My mom had scared me enough of marriage. I wanted romance, but not at the cost of my future marriage. I was able to look ahead and see my children, see him with my children. I was able to see him working hard to support our family. Most of all, I was able to look ahead and see if his relationship with God was strong and lasting. In college, I knew guys that I thought would fit the bill, and I had a few really good friends who fit what I was looking for, but nothing moved forward, and I couldn't understand why. I was introverted, but there was something else going on. (I now know that it was mostly just God protecting me through His grace.) But one outspoken guy friend finally told me one day. He said, "Guys don't ask you out because they know that asking you out is liking asking you to marry them." He was exaggerating of course. I was not one of those girls who talked about marriage non-stop or pressured guys to commit or anything. (I also wasn't in a hurry because my dad had basically forbidden me to get married before I graduated from college.) That friend just meant that I was serious. I later asked a boyfriend if this was true, and he said, "absolutely". 

Matt Chandler says, "Don't try to find a neat Christian guy. Find a godly man. There are far too many neat Christian guys around church, and far too few godly men." Any pain a break-up with a non-Christian or a neat Christian guy or even just someone who is not for you may cause, I'm here to tell you that that pain does not even BEGIN to compare with the pain of a failed marriage. Even if the marriage doesn't end, it can still be failed. Imagine taking your children to church every Sunday and teaching them about God only to see them going the other way, following a father who was just full of words when you were dating but now wants nothing to do with God. Imagine your home wrecked with addiction- alcohol, gambling, pornography. These and worse have happened to very close, very godly friends of mine. It could just as easily have happened to me. No one can tell the future, and sometimes godly men do get derailed. I am just trying to encourage you to make every effort to protect yourself and your future children from a half-way man. 

Protect yourself. Pray for God to protect you. Be picky. If we as women let them know we're serious, men will rise to the challenge. God made them that way. Above all, trust God. He wants what is best for you.

Open Letter to People Without Kids

I am writing this because I used to be the worst. My personality is such that I can't stand having information that may benefit someone else and understanding that keeping it to myself MAY just be the most benefit to that person. I come by it honestly, from a long line of advice-givers. 

But here's the thing, no matter how much you have babysat, how many parenting books you've read, how many child development degrees you have, you don't understand. It's not your fault. You can't understand; it's impossible. Forgive us for forgetting that you're often just trying to help. But please don't be hurt when we dismiss your well-meaning advice by saying that, "you have no idea what it's like." It's just reality. You don't have to be a parent to figure out that rear facing car seats are safer for toddlers or starting solids before 4 months can be harmful to health. What you DON'T get is that you're not the one in the car to hear your 1 YO screaming after being strapped in for 3+ hrs on the road because he can't see anything. It's not your neck going into spasm while driving because you tried to reach too far back into his seat to hand him ANOTHER pacifier.

I really was the worst. I have wanted kids since I was like 2, and it did take my husband WAY too long to agree to start our family (ok, only 5 years, so not WAY too long). I read parenting books, listened to parenting sermons before kids were even on the horizon. I babysat, nannied, taught school, even ran my own in-home daycare for 1.5 yrs. I loved it. I knew everything- no really, I did. Only I didn't. 

My kids went home by 5 every day. I didn't breastfeed any of them. None of them kept me from sleeping. And that is HUGE. At least for me, when something comes between me and sleep, we are going to have to seriously analyze priorities- only true love will trump sleep. When one 5 year-old little boy got a big gash on his head, I called his mom. That was no longer my problem to deal with. I gave advice to one mom (to be fair, this time, she did ask me) of a 7 MO very spirited little girl to let her cry at nap time when she wouldn't sleep. Problem was, it wasn't MY heart inside that little girl, it was her mom's. It was hard for me to hear her cry, sure, but my heart wasn't inside that baby, slowly breaking (or so it seemed). I could not believe why my family members didn't just "sp@nk that girl more". LOL I had no clue. Neither of my boys have the will and spirit that she has, even to this day, and she has turned out pretty darn well so far!

If you want to help, we would love that! You have incredible influence over children, even if you didn't bear them, AND you have an incredible ability to lift parents' burdens as well. 
Here's how...
1- First of all, let me sleep. If you will get up with my child or let me take a nap, you will be the greatest thing that has ever happened to us. We may even start asking you for advice!
2- Take our kids. We will most likely want them back at some point, but all 3 of us win when you take them to do fun things or just to watch for awhile.
3- Know that parenting is harder and more wonderful than you can imagine. Losing sleep (hmm, maybe I have found an idol in my life, lol), discipline, letting them go as they get older, making hard decisions, and seeing them hurt are the hardest things. If you are going to give advice, just try to steer clear of these areas unless we ask out right (and we probably won't, and don't take it personally.) :) 
4- When we talk about difficulties, don't try to fix. Just nod and  listen.

We love you, and we realize that you can't help that you don't understand. If God chooses to give you children one day, you WILL get it, and you will feel guilty for rolling your eyes so much (maybe that's just me). If He doesn't, you will still have opportunities to invest in the lives of children around you. Take those opportunities!

(Disclaimer: None of these letters are to ANYONE in particular in my life. These are just thoughts I have in general!)

PS- If you wake our kids up, your life WILL be in danger.

amazing weekend...

I didn't get any pictures. :( But this weekend was so fun. First of all, my amazing in-laws watched the boys for us, so we could go to Dallas. I got to

sit by the pool and read a book....
take a long shower....
go shopping all day with John....
eat city food, including Mediterranean food which we've been craving since we moved....
go the biggest Half Price Books I've ever seen, complete with a store-wide sale.... (I was there awhile...)
sit by the lake and read....
and spend lots of time with my man....

 And THEN, on Sunday morning, I wanted to go to church, which I admit, we don't usually do when out of town. But my favorite preacher ever is in Dallas, so we go when we can. His church has several satellite churches now, and the MAIN campus, where he preaches, would have been a bit of a drive, so we decided to be good, not just go to church to see him, and go to the satellite church which was closer. We had just sat down in the pew when I looked up and saw him! Kind of a freak thing that he happened to be preaching in person that day. It's been years since I heard him in person, so a real treat. (I don't wanna hear any lectures about worshiping man instead of God, lol! God speaks through him to me in a way no one else usually does; if you've heard him, you know what I'm saying.) I got SO much out of it, but here are a couple quotes:

"It's harder to go after our children's hearts as opposed to simply worrying about behavior modification and fixing their problems for them in the short term." [but worth it]

"I don't think you can over preach grace. You can never go overboard on forgiveness, on grace. But objective evidence of salvation is holiness."

 "When you see a marriage that you really admire and you think, 'I want that', you can bet they got there with a lot of death [to selfishness]."
-Matt Chandler

What I love!

It may or may not have been said of me, just a few times, that I am somewhat, pessimistic. I really prefer the term "realist". The other day John said, "how is that realism? life is good!" "We live in a fallen world," was my textbook, cliche-ish response. But he is right. My life is amazing. 

I do think one reason we all (yes, even you shallow optimists- hehe), notice the bad is because we were MEANT to live in a perfect world! God created us in His image to live in His perfect creation, before we messed it all up. So I think there is that sense that we need to fix whatever is wrong, no matter how little, that it's not SUPPOSED to be like this! Because it really isn't. The hard part comes with the realization that all that's wrong is our (humans' in general) fault and that anything good that comes now is from His grace. That's where the need to be positive comes in. So here I go; I'll take a stab at it.....

• I LOVE my job. Seriously, I feel so lucky to be able to wake up each morning to 2 healthy boys who love their Mama and need her all day. I don't love each part of my day or every part of my job, but staying home with them has been such a blessing! They are SO fun!
• I LOVE living in Texas and in the town where I live. The people, the food, the weather (yes, even the heat- take over snow 6 mo at a time any day!), the environment, the thousands of churches that dot each street corner. Love my roots and love that my boys are 7th generation Texans.
• I LOVE the family I married into. There are so many people who want to be a part of their family. Seriously, I am lucky.
• I LOVE nap time. Call me shallow, but I love that time of day where there aren't 1500 distractions and I just sit and THINK. The introvert in me really needs that each day.
• I LOVE the way my mom chose to educate me. I see SO many benefits of it all the time, and they definitely outnumber the drawbacks. 
• I LOVE that God has brought me through so many difficulties. I did not love them at the time, but I can see all the time how Romans 8:28 really does work. Dislocated hip, divorce, broken back & spinal cord injury, 3 weeks of mental health hell, postpartum depression, all for good.
• I LOVE sunsets, the sky, the smell of woodpiles burning in the fall, swimming, boats, listening to sermons online, and reading a good book at Starbucks.

For being a realist, that's a pretty good start, I guess. Maybe I need to make this theme a regular here! :) 

Free Finds this week!

 I recently started back couponing and can say I'm fairly addicted! These are all things I got completely free this week! Well, the above picture was from the baby deal @ Brookshire's. They only do the baby deal about once a month or less, so I snag it when I can! I had to buy a box of Huggies (which I had a coupon for, of course) to get the things above. Total of free stuff was over $20. Yes, I AM donating the Froot Loops! yuck! I kept the fruit snacks for dessert for K. I may or may not have eaten a pack myself, shhhh!

 The picture above is all stuff I got completely free with coupons & sales. I didn't have to buy anything else to get it.

And above are the free items this week from CVS & Walgreens- kids' fish oil & probiotic for me. I did find out the fish oil has Splenda in it when I got home. grrrr. But I am a sucker for free! ;) These were deals where you buy the product, and then you get that much back again on reward bucks to spend next time you go to that store. They always have at least one thing free each week.  I was going to get a blood sugar meter for free plus $7 back (free + I had a $7 off coupon), but they were out of the one the coupon was for. I was going to donate the meter. Can't pass up $7 free cash.

I do most of my couponing @ Walgreens & CVS and am developing a small stockpile of toiletries, TP, & paper towels, & OTC meds. I also go to Target & Wal-mart sometimes if they have good deals. It's hard to coupon for groceries if you want to eat healthy!

Here are my favorite sites if you're thinking about couponing! 

http://hip2save.com/

http://moneysavingmom.com/

Recipes I've tried recently

Either my crazy pregnant appetite or my new addiction to Pinterest is to blame for recent cooking sprees. Just wanted to share in case you're looking for something new to try. Clicking on each picture should take you to Pinterest where you can then go to the recipe.

Egg salad. This was pretty good & definitely healthier than most!

Source: theyummylife.com via Deann on Pinterest

Pumpkin smoothie:  If you like pumpkin, you should like it. I did add a couple drops of Stevia, because it's not very sweet. K loved it for his breakfast.

Source: redheadrecipes.com via Deann on Pinterest

Microwave coffee cake in a coffee mug! This is amazing. It's quick & easy & very tasty. I did sub plain yogurt for the sour cream & used whole wheat flour. If you're NOT pregnant, it's enough for two people. ;)

Source: prudentbaby.com via Deann on Pinterest

BBQ Pockets. These were also a hit. I would leave out the brown sugar next time, because they were a little too sweet. Not very healthy, but yummy.

Source: ouroutofsynclife.blogspot.com via Deann on Pinterest

Quiche: This was very tasty! I left out the onions & want to add mushrooms next time!

Source: allrecipes.com via Deann on Pinterest

Creamy chicken pockets- Wow, these were the best! I can't wait to make them again. Again, not the healthiest, but very tasty!

Source: penniesonaplatter.com via Deann on Pinterest

Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies! I just attempted these, and they are wonderful. More like a bread than a cookie but still good.  I had to cook them a little longer- 13 min- or they were a little too doughy.

Source: allrecipes.com via Deann on Pinterest

This is supposed to taste like cookie dough. It doesn't really, mostly because of the texture. But I like it. Not sure if I could eat a whole bowl, but it's really not bad for being healthy. I used maple syrup for the sweetener.

Source: chocolatecoveredkatie.com via Deann on Pinterest